Creating is healing

This is a new hair vine. I went a little crazy with crystals and Freshwater Pearls. But hey, they were just sitting there. 

My boys were sick this past week. I don't normally talk about personal matters on this blog, but today I am a little. They had some kind of stomach bug, and it was a hellish four days (and nights). My oldest (he's 5) was starting to look like a skeleton and it was really scary to not be able to help him. I came pretty close to taking him to the hospital for fluids because we just couldn't keep anything down him. His face was sunken in... He slept all the time and we had to wake him up to get him to take a few sips of anything. Sometimes it was difficult to get him to wake up at all, which is just plain frightening. But, he did finally bounce back just a couple days ago. My 2 year old was ill too, but not as bad. They are back to being my darling little stinkers now, but it was pretty rough there for a while. 

During the times when I wasn't snuggled up on the couch with a weak and miserable child, or desperately researching more ideas for how I could make them all better again, I worked on some new designs. Even though my house was a complete disaster, I chose to spend my time working on beaded flowers because I was hurt and scared. I really don't like having to watch my children hurt. It's the hardest thing. Some people can handle their children being sick more calmly, but I just really can't. It makes me feel like I need to DO something to fix them, while realizing that there's really not much I can do but wait. And it sucks. 

Those who know me know that I have an anxiety disorder. It's something I've had to struggle with my whole life (only 25 years so far, but still... those are the only 25 years I've got) That's one of the reasons why I took up French Beading in the first place. Because creating is healing. It heals the soul and helps to shake loose all those fears and hurts by redirecting energy away from anxieties and chaos and destruction, and into creation and beauty. As you triumph over a difficult design, or complete a large project and stand back and view the final result of your labors, it builds self-esteem. To take raw materials and transform them into something beautiful is quite remarkable, really. As I string and wrap I can feel a little transformation within myself, too, so it has been helping me. Still have a long way to go, but I will get there someday. :) 

-Lauren